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Top Priority

5/8/2012

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This week there is a very simple exercise to assist you in seeing where your spiritual practice lies on your priority list and it shouldn’t take more than half an hour of your time.

A lot of people get disillusioned with their spiritual practices because they feel they are working hard at it with little or no results. The first thing to point out here is that the minute your meditations become a means to an end, you have already missed the point. There is no action-reaction, activity-reward program going on in the spiritual realm. Meditation is done for its own sake, and in letting go of all desires and expectations you will find what you think you are looking for.

However, having said that, it is also true that if spirituality is important to you, it will be reflected in your life in how much of your time is dedicated to yourself and your inner world versus what is dedicated to the external world. Participating in the activity below will help you to see how much the external world is demanding your attention. This is why all the great Masters are always saying that there are plenty of teachers but very few dedicated disciples.

To get an idea of where your spirituality lies on your priority list, try actually making up your priority list as follows. I recommend doing this on your computer so that you can copy-paste as you need to adjust the list:

Make a list of everything you might do in a week. Include things like shopping (groceries, clothes, gifts etc), socialising (incl phone calls, emails to friends etc), eating (incl preparing food & washing dishes), travel (incl getting to work and back), sleeping, spiritual practices (incl meditating or attending church / temple / satsang, reading spiritual books, conscious breathing, etc), bathing & dressing (incl make-up, hair, brushing your teeth etc), working, entertainment (watching tv, movies, playing games, reading), sport or exercise, family time, etc.

Then allocate the amount of time spent on each activity every week. If it is something you do daily, like brushing your teeth, its easier to first figure out a daily time and then multiply this by seven. Be honest with yourself. Don’t say that you spend 2 hours a day on exercise (you wish) when in fact its more like 15 minutes.

Then rearrange your list with the activity you spend the most time on at the top and that which you spend the least on at the bottom, and number them starting with 1 for the top priority.

Your list will end up looking something like this:

1. Sleeping  - 56 hours
2. Work  - 35 hours
3. Eating – 35 hours
4. Bathing – 14 hours
5. Spiritual – 12 hours
6. Entertainment – 5 hours
7. Exercise – 1 hour
Etc.

The last task is to face up to where your spiritual practices fall on your priority list. You can then also use the list as a brainstorming session to see where you could increase awareness in other areas of your life to start moving spirituality up to Top Priority!

Some ideas to get you going:
 - try downloading talks by your favourite spiritual teacher on You Tube and watch these instead of arb TV
 - read a spiritual book instead of a novel
 - buy audio books by spiritual teachers and listen to these in your car or on your ipod as you travel to work
- sleep for an hour less and dedicate this time to meditation
- do all your arbitrary tasks like brushing teeth, shopping and doing dishes in a state of awareness
- take up a spiritually inclined exercise program like yoga or tai chi
- socialise with people who have similar priorities to you and with whom you can chat about spiritual topics

The list should give you a good idea of what is really important in your life, and can be a great exercise not just for your spiritual life, but also for seeing where other areas of your life could use some increasing in priority. To use the exercising as an example, you may be trying to lose weight but see that eating is #1 on your list and exercising falls to #15!

Remember, life is your spiritual practice – anything done in awareness will not only raise spirituality to the top of your priority list, but will also raise your level of consciousness.

Happy living!

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Mindful Meals

12/5/2011

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Mindful meals for conscious parents.
_Just a reminder that this is the third of a four part series inspired by the work of Dr Jon Kabat-Zinn, where each activity is done in a state of mindfulness.


This week we will be focusing on eating.

As with the previous two exercises, try to eat all your meals in a state of mindfulness. What does this mean? Being totally present in the experience – not lost in thought, or guzzling down the food as quickly as possible so that you can get on with something else. It really helps with this one if you can eat as many of your meals as possible in silence. Make sure that you are not involved in other activities while you eat – not working, or watching TV, or on the phone.

Most religions have a tradition of prayer before meals. I think this is a wonderful way to begin a meal – in a state of gratitude. I don’t mean for you to blurt out a quick “thanks for the grub”, but take a moment before you begin to consider where this food came from, how much energy it took to bring it to you, how wonderful it is that you have something to eat at every meal, and particularly how wonderful it is to eat delicious food!

And then show your appreciation for your food by actually paying attention to it while you eat...

Although food may seem to be mostly a taste experience, try to make use of your all your senses:
– smells: you’ll be surprised how much smell affects your ability to taste your food. Take a moment to bring the food up to your nose and breathe in the different aromas.
- sounds: the sound of your cutlery on the plate, the sizzling of the hot food, the sounds of your chewing.
- textures: different foods have vastly different textures – is your food smooth or slimy or chewy or rough? How does it feel to simply hold it in your mouth and run your tongue over it?
- tastes: see if you can taste the subtle differences between mouthfuls, the underlying herbs and spices that have been used, the combinations of salty, bitter, sweet, sour and pungent foods.
- sights: the colours and textures and vast variations on these in one meal, the uniqueness of each vegetable or fruit, the shapes and contours.

Although you may have preferences for different tastes, smells, or textures, attempt to suspend your judgement this week. Try to eat something that you particularly dislike, but eat it slowly and in a state of total mindfulness and non-judgement and see what happens.

Set aside a little more time for your meals this week and slow them down considerably. There is a Chinese Saying: “drink your food and eat your drink”. Don’t forget that digestion starts in the mouth, not in the stomach. Most of us are eating much too fast and are then confused by the resulting indigestion. Take a moment, too, to appreciate your own body and how amazing and intelligent it is to take whatever nonsense you give it and send it to the correct place, break it down into what you need, distribute these nutrients to different areas of the body and then use them to fight disease or build muscles or numerous other tasks without you paying any attention to it whatsoever.

If you want to take this exercise one step further, work on preparing all your meals in a state of mindfulness too – with total presence, attention and acceptance for the moment exactly as it presents itself.

Remember in all these exercises to be patient with yourself. If you find yourself consuming an entire meal in unconsciousness or judging your experience in any way, to simply notice it, and celebrate the fact that you have noticed it and that you now have a chance to choose differently in the future.

BTW Don’t forget to continue brushing your teeth and doing your dishes with awareness. The point of this series of exercises is to bring awareness into as many areas of your day as possible, but focusing on one at a time to make it more accessible.

Bon appetit!

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Mindful Dishes

11/4/2011

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A mindfulness exercise for parents.
Just a reminder that this is the second of a four part series inspired by the work on mindfulness in everyday life by Dr Jon Kabat-Zinn.

This week we will be focusing on either washing the dishes or packing and unpacking the dishwasher.

This is somewhat less of an emotionally neutral activity than brushing your teeth, and we will bring some of this emotional awareness into the exercise.

So, out with the post it notes and pop one above the sink or on the dishwasher or somewhere where it will be a quick reminder before you begin one of these tasks. If you are not the person in your household usually responsible for the dishes, then maybe this is a good time to combine this activity with doing something nice for someone else with no need for acknowledgement or exchange (a future exercise coming soon!).

Perhaps the best way to approach this exercise initially will be with acceptance rather than joy and excitement (although if these do pop up in the week, don’t be surprised). The main thing is that while you’re dealing with the dishes to do this in a way in which you are not completely lost in thought.

Make use of your senses:
– notice any smells - the dishwashing powder, the leftovers, any other general kitchen smells
- sounds - the clinking of the dishes against one another, the water going into or out of the sink (in our home we call this the drain dragon and it elicits much excitement from the kids – perhaps a chance to reclaim some childishness and actually enjoy this?)
- textures - smooth plates, slimy pots, wetness vs dryness, cold vs heat
- tastes - no, I don’t expect you to sip the dirty dish water, but how about running your finger through the leftover sauce?
- sights - colours, bubbles, flashing lights on dishwashers, wrinkly hands

The point is to not do this as a means to an end, but to really engage in every moment of the experience. Just because it’s become a boring old chore doesn’t mean that it has to remain that way. Forget the past and embrace this experience as if it was the first time you had ever done it and that you were never ever going to get the chance to do it again. Try to remember the first time one of your kids helped you to wash the dishes and the joy and excitement that they brought to the experience.

Notice also your mental and emotional activity throughout. As usual, if you do get lost in thought and move into auto pilot mode, simply notice this and gently bring yourself back into the present. Pay particular attention to the emotional baggage that may be associated with this task – any resentment, boredom, irritability, etc. Don’t add a second layer of judgement by judging your response to this. Notice it with interest, see it as a conditioned response based on the past, and let it go.

Most importantly, enjoy the experience. Every moment of every day counts. And someone has to do the dishes – wouldn’t it make an enormous difference to the general energy in the world if everyone did every task they were involved in with total acceptance and maybe even a little joy?!

BTW Don’t forget to continue brushing your teeth with awareness. The point of this series of exercises is to bring awareness into as many areas of your day as possible, but focusing on one at a time to make it more accessible.

Bring on the bubbles!

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Mindful Teeth

10/18/2011

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A mindfulness activity for conscious parents.
The next four posts are inspired by the course that I attended on mindfulness in everyday life based on the work of Dr Jon Kabat-Zinn.

The idea is to bring the sense of meditative awareness and presence into everyday life. So, over the next 4 posts we will add one activity per blog that we will be doing in a state of mindfulness. I will be choosing 4 very mundane daily activities that we normally do in a state of unconsciousness, thinking about something else or simply acting out on auto-pilot. The thing is, a large portion of our lives is made up of mundane daily activities – things that we normally do as a means to an end – brushing our teeth, doing the dishes, driving to work. Seldom do we stop and revel in the wonder of these simple tasks that have become background to our lives. What we will attempt over the next 4 blogs is to bring our meditation into as many areas of our lives as we can, so that in the long run our whole lives become a meditation, a celebration of life itself.

This time we will focus on brushing our teeth – an activity that hopefully everyone is engaging in a least once, if not twice a day. I suggest that you put a post-it note or something up on your bathroom mirror to remind you of this one, as after a whole lifetime of doing this unconsciously it might be easy to slip back into old habits.

So, every time you brush your teeth, use this as a meditation. Without bringing the thinking mind in to analyse every movement, try to be aware of some of the following...

 - how wonderful it is to have a toothbrush. Watch a little child when they get their first toothbrush and see the excitement and wonder of this familiar everyday object. Try to reclaim a little of that wonder and freshness.
 - take a good look at your toothpaste. Notice every little movement of your body involved in fetching your chosen paste, opening it up, putting it onto your toothbrush. Bring it up to your nose and smell it. Put a little bit on your tongue and experience the intensity of the taste.
 - then as you brush your teeth, try to be aware of all the sensations involved – taste, smell, feeling, sounds. Notice what your tongue is doing as you brush – how it moves out of the way. Notice the different sensations as you brush different areas. Try brushing your tongue, or even running the toothbrush over your lips. Notice the different movements involved in getting to all areas.
 - If you slip into auto-pilot, don’t stress, Just notice how easily that happens and bring yourself back to the task at hand.
 - If you find that your mind wanders or tries to label / name / analyse everything you are doing, bring awareness to your breath, and keep some awareness on the breath as you continue.
 - listen to the sounds of the water as you turn it on to rinse. Feel the sensations of this – the heat or cold, and the different tastes before and after you rinse.
 - notice any small details along the way. Stay focused in the present and totally engaged in the activity that you are busy with.

Ok, I realise that if you brushed your teeth like this every day it would take more time than you have allocated to this activity. However, you can brush your teeth in the same amount of time and stay totally present and aware of all sensations and your breathing. It helps in the beginning to take a little more time and exaggerate the experience to draw you out of the lifetime of unconscious activity that preceded this week. So, if you can, spend a little more time on the first few days and then as the week goes on see if you can bring the time down and still keep the same level of awareness.

By the way, don’t be surprised if your mind resists this activity with all its might. It will most likely tell you that this is silly and mundane and that there is no awesomeness or wonder in brushing your teeth and that it will not further any of your great plans that you have for yourself. Let it rant, notice this, and laugh. There is only this moment, right now, so whether you are reading this or brushing your teeth or making a life changing decision, the wonder of life is in this moment. Enjoy every second of it.

Happy brushing!

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Walking Meditation

7/28/2011

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A walking meditation for conscious parents.
I’ve adapted this one from an exercise in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Meditation.

What I’ve found over the years of introducing my student’s to meditation is that a lot of people simply can’t sit still for a given length of time. This does not mean that you should give up on meditation as this exercise will show.

This week, try to do a walking meditation every day. If possible, make one of your walks somewhere beautiful in nature – in the mountains, on the beach, even in your local nursery (for want of a better connection with nature). For the rest of your walks, your general neighbourhood or the city around your work will do.

Ok, so firstly, you’re not going to close your eyes for this one, particularly for the city walks! The idea really is to bring awareness to every step that you take, to absorb everything around you without thinking about or judging it, to simply walk for the sake of walking and not to get somewhere or achieve something (this is not a fitness exercise!).

Start by bringing attention to your breath and try to walk in a rhythm that works with your breathing. Whenever your mind wanders, bring it back to the breath. Then, simply look around. Look at the sky – notice its colour and the presence or absence of clouds. Look at the houses and people that you pass or the trees, animals, birds. Notice the small details – the plant pushing through the sidewalk, the peeling paint, the interesting doorknob, the bee on the pot plant. Feel how your body feels as you move – which muscles are you using, how does the ground feel beneath your feet, what is the feeling of your arms swinging at your sides? Listen to the sounds around you. Try to listen to the stillness underneath the sounds, the silence out of which all sounds are born. Feel the air, the wind, the heat, the cold. Again, try not to think about, analyse or judge whatever you perceive. If you do, simply note your judgement and how often this comes up, and how spontaneously you resort back to thought. Then bring your awareness back to your breathing. Try also not to name the things around you, but simply to observe them.

If you really can’t get out this week (perhaps you’re snowed in, literally?!) then try applying the exercise to a walk around your own home. See if you can walk around your house/flat/apartment for 20 minutes without a thought or judgement about whatever you hear/see/feel. You might be surprised by the sounds, colours, smells (remember, we’re trying not to judge here!) and objects that you may not have previously noticed.

Take your time and enjoy the walk – life is in the small details.

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Mind The Gap

5/20/2011

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A breathing meditation for conscious parents
This meditation is originally from the ancient Tantric techniques, but is also found in Buddhism.

This week, set aside two times in the day – once in the morning when you wake up and once in the late afternoon or early evening – and for at least ten minutes, just watch the breath. Don’t try to change your breathing -  it will naturally slow down after sitting for some time, but don’t force this. Just be conscious of the breath coming in through your nostrils, and watch every moment of it going out again. Then try to notice the small gaps at the end of the ingoing breath before it goes out again, and at the end of the outgoing breath before it goes in. Small pauses where you are not breathing at all. This may be for only the slightest fraction of a second. Again, don’t try to make the gaps longer or to do anything at all – just notice them.

The idea here is twofold: The first is that when you are not breathing, you are not alive. So, for a fraction of a second you can experience being dead, but still being. The second is that for the majority of your life you are focused on things – work, objects, thoughts – and the focus here is essentially on nothing.

Focus intently on this nothingness for the ten minutes (or longer if you can afford the time) twice a day, but also try to bring moments of this awareness into the rest of your day. Stick a simple post it note up at your desk or in your car that says “Am I Still Breathing?” Often my students or friends will say that they just can’t meditate – all that sitting still doing nothing – and my reply is always the same: One conscious breath is a meditation.  And the more often you can take a conscious breath, the more meditation you bring into your life, until eventually every breath is a conscious one and then there is no need for ‘meditation’ anymore as you have become the meditation.

A NOTE ON MEDITATION AND EMOTIONAL DETOX:

On thing to be aware of when you start meditating is that you will naturally start to clear stresses and traumas and negativity that you have been hanging on to. In order to clear, these things must first come ‘up and out’ so to speak. In my experience, people often give up on meditation fairly quickly as they start to feel worse – more irritated or aggressive or depressed – than they were before they began. If you can keep in mind that these emotions are coming up to clear and you are not going mad or having a nervous breakdown or anything, then it makes this phase easier to transcend.

Simply allow whatever comes up to be. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to run outside and scream, do so. I’ve found that because all that emotions are is energy, it helps to simply find a release for this energy – run round the block, swim a few lengths, get out the punching bag.

Life will find ways to help you to bring these emotions out into the light for you to clear them – usually this comes in the form of something that we would consider a “negative event” – the dog pees on your favourite carpet, your partner forgets to unpack the dishwasher, someone skips the traffic light and crunches your new car. The event or trigger is irrelevant, it is simply the messenger – what counts is the emotion that is triggered in you. The emotion is yours. So, don’t shoot the messenger. Don’t kick the dog, or murder your spouse, or torch the offender’s car. However, don’t pretend that you are not experiencing the emotion that is triggered. Don’t judge it. Allow it to be and find a creative way to release this energy and let it move out of your life.

This phase does end, and the rewards for making it through this are immense.

Good luck, and wishing you a meditative week!

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Inner Body Awareness

5/13/2011

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Conscious parent
This is an adaptation from one of Eckhart Tolle’s exercises.

This week, set a reminder on your phone or computer to go off every hour (if you can) or at least 5 times in your day. When it does, take one minute to connect with your inner body (explanation below). To put this in perspective, for those of you resisting the interruptions to your day, this will only take 5-10 minutes out of your entire day ie less than one smoke break!

How to connect with the inner body:

Close your eyes and hold up your right hand. Without any movement or wind etc, how do you know that your right hand is still there? Your brain will want to come up with all sorts of logical explanations – ignore it. FEEL that your hand is there. In this way you are connecting with the inner life within your body. Now, keeping your eyes closed, feel your left hand, then your feet, and eventually extending this feeling throughout your body.

To feel the whole body might take some time and practice, so don’t feel disappointed in yourself if all you can feel is the one hand for now. In feeling even the one hand you are drawing your attention away from the external world and into the internal. Ideally we want to feel this to some degree all the time. That way we will not get lost in the world of objects, or in the constant antics of the mind. The world and the mind will still be there, and you will still be able to function in your life and job, but you won’t have your full attention lost in it. That is the point.

If you are struggling to get the feeling and not sure if you are on the right track, you can try the following: Standing with your legs slightly apart and your arms hanging loosely at your sides, bounce gently on your heels, letting your whole body hang loose and move with the bouncing. Do this for a minute or two and then stop and close your eyes. You should feel a tingling throughout your body, and this is basically the feeling that you are looking for when connecting with the inner body.

Once you have the hang of connecting with the inner body as described above, you can start feeling it without closing your eyes and extend this more and more throughout your day. Other great times to practice are standing in queues at the bank, when you’re stuck in traffic (yes, only once you can do it with your eyes open!), while you’re watching tv, while chatting on the phone....

Try this every hour for the next week, and then try extending it throughout your day.

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    About

    Mia's ideas, exercises and meditations to assist and inspire you on your journey to presence and conscious parenting. Includes concepts from various sources such as Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Michael Brown and Osho, to name a few.

    Or find out how to deepen your meditation, increase your presence effortlessly and live your dreams - here!

    Mia also blogs for Kid-ease on fun, educational crafts and activities for preschool kids.

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