I heard about a woman who, above her infant’s crib, put up the sign: “If I kill the baby, I will go to jail”!

I laughed hard when I heard that as it struck such a chord in my own heart and I thought all new mothers should have such a sign.

We hear a lot about the joys and blessings of having a newborn, but how often do we talk about how difficult it can be? How often do we talk about the torture of sleep deprivation or the endless crying or the hormonal dips? Before having children you can never fathom how thin the line really is between the child abuser and the rest of us.

When my toes touched that line it looked something like this: darkened room (the baby WILL go to sleep now), two-year-old crying for attention in the next room, baby crying, me crying, no sign of anything quieting down now or in the next 5 million years. Just as I’m literally ready to do physical damage to the little one, I manage to find that last ounce of strength to drag myself away, run outside and start howling and smashing all the jars I’d been saving in my outside cupboard for making baby food. If you read my last blog – that would be the screaming banshee mom!

I didn’t berate myself for being a terrible parent – I used it as a point of compassion. It is easy to judge another as different or worse or unlike us, but to have true compassion for another being we need to look at our similarities. If we find the place within ourselves where these unspeakable behaviors originate, not only can we begin to change ourselves, but we can also begin to heal all those around us.

Some people do kill the baby, some do go to jail. Our judgment does not fix these wrongs or heal any wounds.

Gandhi once said, “be the change you want to see in the world”. Start by finding compassion for yourself in these darkest moments and then extend this to those whom you think it unthinkable to feel compassion for.  At that point you will really start to see the change. Until then, keep the sign over the crib.

I am writing to you on behalf of all the children in the world.

I guess that having my own kids has made me more sensitive to the plight of all the millions of children in this world with less than us; all the millions of children who will live out this day with no food, no shelter, no love. And I cannot help but feel responsible for them all. Each day, as I strive to be a better mother – to be more present, more patient, and to provide for my childrens emotional and physical needs – I trust that my children will grow up to be independent, caring, sensitive and responsible adults. And yet I can't help wondering what the point would be if the world that they grew up in were inhabited by adults, the majority of whom had grown up without these gifts.

What kind of people do children grow up into who spend their childhoods without even the basic necessities for survival? Who grow up loveless and alone? Who grow up believing that the world is a harsh and unfriendly place where one must fight to survive? Do I really want my children growing up in a world where 50% or more of their peers have grown up fighting for basic human rights?

We wonder why we live on a planet where there is so much crime, murder, rape, abuse, pollution and cruelty to animals. But look at how we treat our children. Yes, OUR children. They are all our children, as they are the ones who are shaping our future, and we are, therefore, ALL responsible for the kind of people they grow into. Are we, as a society, as a race, raising loving, responsible, caring individuals, or are we raising tomorrow's criminals?

There is a wonderful organisation here in South Africa called the Starfish Foundation. Their story goes something like this:

A girl is walking along the beach at sunrise. The tide is going out, leaving hundreds of starfish stranded on the beach. As she walks, the girl is picking them up, one by one, and tossing them back into the sea. A man stops her to ask what she is doing.
"The tide is going out", answers the girl, "and the sun is coming up. These starfish will die in the heat of the day, so I am throwing them back into the sea."
The mans looks puzzled and says: "But there are hundreds of them, stretching for miles up the beach – how can you possibly make a difference?"
The girl picks up a starfish and throws it into the ocean and says: "It made a difference to that one."

We can all make a difference, and the change starts with you. If every one of us committed to sharing some of the abundance of love, money, time or possessions that we have been blessed with, this world would immediately begin to improve – for you, for your children and for the future of this planet.

If you feel that you don't have enough to share, just look around. Count your blessings – and then share them. Make a commitment to a better world, to a better future for all of our children, and make it today.

Share this. Let us start a revolution of loving action.

Yes, motherhood is an art. It reminds me of those old Chinese paintings and their careful attention to balance. One must attempt to balance out the Yang (the large foreboding mountains) with the Yin (the gentle trickling stream). Yup, I’m familiar with that – balancing out the Yang (the screaming banshee mom) with the Yin (the sobbing quietly to herself in the corner mom).

One must also pay attention to all elements with the design – to fire, earth, water, metal, and wood. A fine balance indeed – the fiery pot on the stove with tonight’s burned dinner, muddy earth being trampled through the house, the watery flood of the forgotten bath, the sharp metal of your new knife cutting through the furniture, and the woody branch heading for a sibling’s eye. I know aaaaall about the elements!

But is this motherhood really? Is motherhood not the art of giving up the balance occasionally? Is it not sitting on the kitchen floor in the midst of the chaos to hold a small child as they ride out their tantrum?

And is it not, sometimes, in our least balanced moments that a picture starts to emerge? And is it any less beautiful because it got colored in with a pink marker pen? Perhaps it’s time for the Old Masters of Chinese Art to accept a touch of Postmodernism.

Food for thought: Are you the artist, the artwork, or both?

Now the first notion that you need to get right out of your head is that just because you are the older one does not mean that your kids are here to learn from you. It seems likely to me that the exact opposite is actually the case. You have kids because there are vital lessons that you need to learn for your ultimate spiritual progress.

Now imagine for a minute that your little darling – Mike, Anna, Jack, Mary or whatever else you might have decided to call your Zen Master for the duration of your lessons -  is in fact God speaking directly to you. In exchange for the teachings, you are providing the Master with food, shelter and other daily necessities.

Would you give God take-out every night or cook delicious, nutritious meals with love? Would you leave God in front of the TV for most of the day or provide an environment buzzing with creative stimuli? Would you lose your temper every time God gave you a difficult lesson, or would you accept it simply and with grace? Would you presume to tell God exactly what to eat and when, what to wear, how to cut his hair, which friends to hang out with? I hardly think so.

Not that I, by any means, am saying that this is easy. Spiritual lessons seldom are. In fact, just this week my own Zen Masters have given me some pretty harsh lessons in compassion – compassion for myself that is. For when you have worked non stop, cooked, sorted, been available for reading stories and singing songs and all the other hundred things a mother does in the course of her daily tasks, and then been screamed at, had one long tantrum after the next and an uncountable amount of other things designed in pitch and volume to test your patience, one is allowed, sometimes, to crack.  And when you do, and your Zen Masters are looking at you like their student just lost the plot, it is not the time to pile on the self-guilt.

Compassion. It starts with you.

One lesson down, one million, eight hundred thousand and fifty four to go.

I was driving home from preschool with my two young daughters the other day and they were really keen to visit my friend, Melissa. "We can't see Melissa today", I explained, "she's gone to Cape Town to visit her Godmother".
"What's a Godmother?" comes the chorus from the back.
I try to explain. "Well, it is the parents' responsibility to introduce their kids to spiritual ideas and make sure that their spiritual needs are met - like you would ensure that they had food to eat or clothing. Parents appoint Godparents so that if they die there is still someone to ensure that this continues. The Godparents make sure that the kids grow up learning about whatever religion the parents had. So, Christians will choose Christian Godparents, Jews will choose Jewish ones... it all depends on what religion you are."
From my 5-year-old, Kai: "What religion are we?"
"Um... well... I have my own beliefs, but you guys are free to choose any religion that you like."
To which Kai responds: "I want to be Buddha".

You go girl! I couldn't think of a better way to sum up spirituality. It's all very well to choose a religion, but how often are we simply adding a label to our self-image - I am a Christian, I am a Hindu, I am a New-Ager, or whatever. But how many of us actually strive to be Buddha or to be Christ-like?

I think that all too often we have an idea of what a spiritual person "should" be like and we adopt these spiritual "markers" without getting to the essence of what they're supposed to represent. It is easier to "be a vegetarian" than to feel compassion for another living being, it is easier to get rid of all our possessions than to let go of attachment, it is easier to sit in the lotus position for hours than it is to truly be the witness to our minds as we go about the business of life.

Children have such a knack for hitting the proverbial nail on the head, and I think most of this is due to a lack of pretences, and not yet having crushed their belief in themselves to attain the best in life.

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we all had the noble goal of not being Buddhists, but of being Buddha?!

YOU WITH THE STARS IN YOUR EYES
Deepak Chopra
Ages 4-8

I have read most of Deepak's adults books, and I was so excited that he had now done something for kids that I didn't even think to check it out before purchasing.

I have to say I was somewhat disappointed. It's a nice idea and has some lovely illustrations, but the acid test for me is always in the reactions of my kids, and they did not respond to this book at all. Some of the concepts went right over their heads - things like "the Illuminated Ones" and "light is pure awareness". Now, I've never been one to dumb down to my children and their vocabularies are very advanced for their ages, but I still think that there are more accessible ways to approach these subjects with young children. The story here was not particularly engaging, and if I take the book out to read to my kids their immediate reaction is "moooom, not that one".

Sorry Deepak - I love your work, and hopefully once my kids are in high school they will too!

OH THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!
DR SEUSS
Ages 3 and up

I realize that Dr. Seuss may not be the first person you think of when looking for spiritual books for kids, but this charming story is so packed full of life's little truths that it certainly deserves a mention.

It is beautifully written, easy to read, fun, and filled with the usual crazy Dr Seuss landscapes and creatures. From choosing your path and positive thinking to dealing with slumps and loneliness, all wrapped up in a perfect 10 minute bedtime story. By the end of the book you really do feel like you could move mountains.

There are a few books on my kids' shelves that I'll be hanging onto for myself once they grow up - this is number one! I think that all adults and kids could do with a Dr Seuss style pep talk every now and again.

"You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So... get on your way!"

Have a wonderful week.

THE CONSCIOUS PARENT
Shefali Tsabary, PhD
For parents of any age.

The book is clearly not about being the perfect parent. It is about being real in your experience with your kids, and getting down off your pedestal and relating to them as equals, without abandoning the need for structure and discipline. 

For me, the essence of the book was how to take the parenting experience and use it as one of the most powerful tools for self-transformation that there is. I have always referred to my own kids as my Zen Masters, there to teach me some of the hardest, but most valuable lessons in life, and The Conscious Parent embodies this spirit.

If you are going to buy one parenting book in your life, make it this one. There are no prescriptive guidelines as to how to raise your children (it's not the manual you wish they were born with), and no quick fixes to your family problems, but it definitely will transform your life, how you relate to your children (whatever age they may be), and, through your own growth, will bring peace to your family.

If you enjoyed this book and/or would like a little more insight, I also recommend listening to Dr Shefali's interviews on Namaste Publishing's blog talk radio. You can access her past interviews here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/namasteradio/page/2

HOPE FOR THE FLOWERS
Trina Paulus
Ages: 5 - 105

This one stands out as my favorite book for both adults and children at the moment.

What a breath of fresh air from the usual insipid range of spiritual books for children. Trina Paulus's Hope For The Flowers combines simple, delightful illustrations with a charming, inspirational and thought provoking story about a caterpillar on a search.

There is absolutely nothing pretentious about this book. It is simple enough for a three year old to enjoy, and yet profound enough for any adult to benefit from its wisdom.

Whether you're 5 or 105 this story will touch your heart and bring you back to your true path, the path of the butterfly.